Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize