I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
