One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
