I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
