i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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