I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
