During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
