"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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