Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
