Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
