when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's get the cat blown out
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
