If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So squirting runs in the family.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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