You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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