If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
