Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
