shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it because I queefed?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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