the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
