Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
