OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
