Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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