Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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