What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How does one acquire holy water?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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