john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
