'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
