i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
