the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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