I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
