why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
