I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
