he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
