I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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