conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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