i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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