I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
