Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
