Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
