The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
