I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
