Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize