she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
