ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
