half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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