You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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