Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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