I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
