Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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