Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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