i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
