you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
