forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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