I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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