I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
