i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
