see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
