there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
