i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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