I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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