i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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