I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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