i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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