I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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