do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
