two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
