also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
