I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
