what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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