It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
