They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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