you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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