I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
