I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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