there's paper in my vomit.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
