We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
