I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
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I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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