Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
