i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
