I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
