You smell like a Billy Joel song
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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