Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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