I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
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They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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