So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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