So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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