have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
