Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
