my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
