im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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