Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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