So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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